Sunday, 8 September 2019

Fighting For Your Life Being - My Way of Trying To Be Happy (Part One)

Disclaimer:
This is gonna be a very long story, and at most point, I will be talking about BTS or Bangtan Sonyeondan. I put so much thought into this that I did not start writing for so long.

So, here goes.

The year 2018 was a rough year for me, and I did so many things to distract myself from sadness and negative thinking. I listened to musics, I watched so many movies, I looked for rebounds, I hang out every single day, I splurged a lot for myself. Then, I found this one good book that I still read sometimes. The book is called, "The Little Book of Calm - tame your anxieties, face your fears and live free" by Dr. Aaron Balick. Basically, it delivers a list of tips on how to survive your days from your anxiety or your worry. In one page it says like this:

DO SOMETHING HARD
Finding calm isn't about doing nothing;it's about what you pay attention to, how you focus, and gain control over your thoughts.
Choose anything, a new skill, something that takes effort.
Learning to stick at something hard helps to train your mind.
...
It's a paradox, but you'll find that the harder you concentrate, the quieter your mind will be.

I totally recommend you to buy this book. I found it in PERIPLUS, though. I am not sure if Gramedia sells this book. For you who don't like to read books a lot, I think this one is actually quite good because it only delivers one tips for one page, and you don't need to finish the book in one sit. You can casually pick a random page at a random time, and you're good.

I started my fight in May 2018, but finally be able to exercise that particular tips starting from May 2019. I wish I did it sooner, though.

(I think I will need to write some more from other perspectives, but who knows)

Just like what I said on my first paragraph, this will talk much about the biggest Korean Idol Group on earth, BTS.

Several paragraphs below will be colored dark green because it'll be my ranting about BTS, but if you wish to continue to the main topic, go scroll down to the black colored texts.

I started acknowledging them in 2017 when they performed at AMA and were invited to The Ellen Show. I regularly watch Ellen, so I think they deserved some attention from me. Ellen's guests are always good even though they're not artists. The content is always good and entertaining. So I gave it a go. I was immersed in their performances (I did not watch the interviews though, my biggest mistake). Some Youtube commenters even said that their performance made American artists look lazy.

I started liking them again in May 2019 when I decided to watch Boy With Luv (ft. Halsey) music video. I was shocked at the millions likes and comments in the video. You can watch the video here. Just like a regular girl fangirling over a handsome person, I tried finding their interviews in English, because it is the language I'm most familiar with. It's quite hard, though, and their English wasn't that good, so it's kind of hard to explore more about themselves.

Three days later, I found myself binge-watching every videos I can find about them, and 1-2 weeks later I was able to identify them by their faces. At the moment I write this blog post, I am already able to identify them by their voices, by random internet memes, by their hands, by their fashion, and so on.

Legends say that BTS is one versatile artist. They can transform their music into various genres, using various instruments, but one thing remains: THEIR LYRICS. Their strongest points are their lyrics and their consistent adorable personalities. At this point, I don't even care if their personalities are only a concept planted by their agency. If it is, it's ONE HELL of a concept and they're sticking into it in a VERY LONG TIME that...if it's fake, they'd be melting down already and get tired.

Their songs are just....so so so good. Their lyrics are beautiful, poetic, with deep and meaningful lyrics. I was kind of feeling guilty for sleeping on them back in the days. I regret the fact that I just found them four months ago. I should have found them sooner. Anyway, I always have this kink for beautiful words. I just... think about their lyrics for days, and even only one sentence like "Ai tte nan darou?" meaning "What is love?" in Japanese can hit me so hard after I read the whole lyrics to the song Lights. 

BTS is so versatile that I believe it's impossible not to fall in love with them (even though they have countless haters, too). I watched a thousand reaction videos on Youtube where people from various backgrounds fall in love with them for different reasons. Watching their music videos are amazing, too. I mean, you can fall in love with them for their songs, for their faces, for their choreography, for the amazing cinematography in their MVs, the story line they deliver, the poetic yet meaningful lyrics, their personalities and humbleness, their raps, their versatility as an artist, and so on and so forth.

Down below, I will be listing down several BTS songs that have very meaningful lyrics and somehow making me feel better.

BTS - Lights (English translation, the song is sung in Japanese)

Every time I'm thinking about love
I don't wanna listen to just happy songs
I'll face my loneliness, color my life

Losing and gaining, but I'm still searching for something today 
...
Dawn will come to the darkest of nights
Overcome, even the future
We won't stop from now on 
Decide for yourself what it means to be happy
Every day, take a step to grow up

You can watch/listen to the coded and translated lyrics on Youtube, here.

When I read "Decide for yourself what it means to be happy" I suddenly realized that it's actually my choice to be happy or not. I should not depend on someone or something else. It's my decision. My surrounding can influence my state of mind only if I let it go inside my head.

Everything is cliche, though. It's just come at us in different words.

RM, the leader of BTS, once said that if BTS can lower our sadness and anxiety even only for one percent, that will make them feel useful. He said, "Please use me, please use BTS to be happy (if they can)". And they do make me happy. I know, I feel strange too, that I feel happy listening and watching over seven people singing, dancing, acting cute, and just doing their activities. Seven people that are unreachable in real life.

But it works.

People who struggle with mental health don't need to be preached, "You need to pray more and getting closer with God." Trust me, if it helps them the first time they tried, they won't be struggling over and over again, especially with the suicidal thoughts. I think what they need the most is finding something that can ease the minds. These four months, BTS helps me. I get positive thoughts EVERYTIME I listen to their music and read their lyrics. I super love the melodies, too.

 The second song that has a healing effect is called Magic Shop.

BTS - Magic Shop (English translation, sung in Korean)

I know that you’re hesitating because even if you say the truth
In the end it will all return as scars
I’m not going to say anything blatant like “find strength”
I will let you hear my story, let you hear it
...
On days I hate being myself, days I want to disappear forever
Let's make a door in your heart
Open the door and this place will await
It's okay to believe, the Magic Shop will comfort you
...
While drinking a glass of hot tea
And looking up at the Milky Way
You’ll be alright, oh, this here is the Magic Shop
...
I always want to be the best
So I was impatient and always restless
Comparing myself with others became my daily life
My greed that was my weapon suffocated me and also became a leash

But looking back on it now, truthfully
I feel like it’s not true that I wanted to be the best
I wanted to become your comfort and move your heart
I want to take away your sadness, and pain 

 You can watch/listen to the coded and translated lyrics on Youtube, here.


"While drinking a glass of tea" feels like a simple sentence, but the sentence following it, "And looking up at the Milky Way" sounds so strong. Combined, it becomes one activity that somehow ease my mind. I keep repeating those two sentences. Drinking a cup of tea while looking up at the sky seems a good idea. A good thing to do. All I need to find is the place to do it. It can be done inside a coffee shop, while reading books, maybe while writing, just kill some time. I know it won't work for EVERYBODY, but it's not a bad idea, is it? It's worth to try.

The point is, each of us need to find that ONE THING that makes us immersed, absorbed, dedicated, so that we can get distracted and forget about the broken hearts and sadness we all experience. It doesn't need to be something deep or complicated. It can be the most simple thing we find beside us. 

Please try. Please be happy.

I can write a million more words about this, but for now I will just leave it here and continue later. I hope this is useful for you. Please be happy and start loving ourselves.

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